A Viral Story

This break, I am looking at Yale medical labs that look interesting in the hopes of find a lab to do research at this summer. I am especially interested in a particular lab that focuses on how retroviruses, the family of virus that includes HIV, infect cells. While I was starting to read through some of the research papers that this lab has published, despite the papers being no Harry Potters and requiring more google searches (to understand certain terms) than a final exam (which needs google searches for procrastination's sake), they had an undeniable narrative. Badass, secretive retroviruses infilitrate immune cells and take over the cell's machinery. While this of course, is a well known tale, it gets more interesting as the lab begins to provide additional narrative detail. See cells that are attacked by retroviruses aren't as much military bases like Fort Sumter, which if captured simply provide ammunition and weapons for the virsues's machinations. No, immune cells are like naval ships, a la pirates of the carribean. If retroviruses can seize control of immune cells the lab has shown, it can steer and extend membrane connections, similar to rope ladders, to connect to a nearby immune-cell/ship, and 10 times more efficiently infilitrate and take over that cell/ship that it is in contact with. If the Cold War was America vs. Retroviruses, not only would we have been fighting a naval battle as aforementioned, but containment would have been an essentially pragmatic and necessary paradigm. The battle strategy would necessarily have included cutting down the rope bridges between ships a.k.a. inhibiting the formation of membrane connections that facilitate transfer of HIV virus (which the lab has shown can be done). These fairly choppy, incoherent analogies are just from a brief skimming of two papers, but I can't wait to uncover additional narration (hopefully I can even spend all summer unraveling the story if there is an opening in this lab that would allow me to work in it).

I got to be honest, though, maybe this post is at some level inspired by my unceasing desire to be like Barack Obama. To see how Obama might see the world with a narrative-frame-of mind, read this really inetersting article http://www.gq.com/news-politics/politics/200911/barack-obama-writing-books-writer-robert-draper?printable=true (I found this article on an awesome blog called givemesomethingtoread.com, a blog which I found out about from Sean--thanks Sean!)

Born to Love Running

On my flight back to California, I read a book titled "Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen." The hidden tribe the book refers to is the Tarahumara tribe from Northern Mexico (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarahumara). The tribe is renowned for its ability to run loooooooooooooooong distances (up to 160 km or 99.5 miles in a day according to wikipedia). To be honest, I read the book a little out of default. I was looking for a good book to take out from the Yale library to read on the plane ride, and after finding all the books I had recorded on my post-it-note of books-to-read were not available in the library (Yale allowing you to take out 150 books at a time for a month or so is great for academic papers, but it makes things rather competitive and difficult when it comes to taking out popular, more leisurely works), I moved on to books that looked interesting from the New York Times Best Seller list. Born to run was really the only one available in the library. To make the story a little more romantic, I had to go all the way up to the fourth-floor (and the auxiliary wing of the fourth floor) of our largest and most labrythian library, Sterling Memorial Library, in order to find the book--so I myself traveled long distances to find this book. The book was filled with interesting characters and annecdotes--but what I took away most from the book the was the depiction that Tarahumara really love to run. I can't imagine running 100 miles in a day, but I suppose it only makes sense that if you are going to run 100 miles in a day, you are probably going to have to love doing so. I am tempted to apply this lesson to the gym...but I gotta be honest, I just don't love running on treadmills. And I'm not going to love running on treadmills. It's not going to happen. But like the Tarahurama love a central logistic of their life, running, maybe I can come to have a similar exuberant love for the primary logistics of my life--car rides, home-work, chores, blog updating (kidding about the blog updating--not a central chore and I already enjoy it). We'll see, we'll see.

Writing Block

I haven't posted on my blog for quite a while, and to tell you the truth, nothing really jumps out at me to write now. Which is to say, the only thing that jumps out is that I don't really have anything in particular to say. I think that is a product of the vastness of potential thoughts, rather than a lack of opportunities for thought. In economics, my professor briefly mentioned how thought might be one of the few things that is not 'scarce'-- in other words, thought doesn't appear to be something you allocate per se. I mean you allocate your time, and thus to a certain extent, you can allocate time for thinking about different things, but you don't have a discrete quantity of thought, independent of time, that you allocate to different purposes. All the same, I too often forget this. I am intensely impatient when it comes to thoughts and discussions--I love to read and to think and to discuss, but if a novel, radio program, or even preson loses the train of thought I find relevant....well, the 'offending' party might as well have put on a red sox hat. It's hard to exactly define what I find 'relevant' but I think it relates to my rigid if general idea of what is important as well as an ability to affect the subject I am thinking about. Perhaps this impatience and devotion to relevance is truly a concession to the limits of time: I feel like I only have so much time, I need to spend it thinking about important things I can affect. But given the quantity of time I have devoted to watching Entourage, my guess is that it's not really an allocation of time thing. That's not to say that it is not related to time-- I think the combination of the infinite space of thought and the finite space of time react to form a debilitating fear. My impatience with 'irrelevant' thought is a product of the desire to do, conquer, think everything and a related fear of a fail in my pursuit of everything. Since thought is so vast, and I canot think everything, the only way I have come to differentiate between what I should think about and should not think about...wait, I guess this is an allocation which makes thought scarce by association with time. All right, fine, thought is scarce! But it isn't that scarce... So, as I was saying, the only way I have to differentiate between what I should think about and not think about is to use the metric of what is 'relevant.' But while I might not be able to think about everything, thought is not so scarce as to limit to narrow relevance. Especially because even given my prior definition of relevance, it is hard to know what will be relevant in the future. There's not too many things that aren't very scarce, (a lack of scarcity is quite scarce...hehe) so I might as well take advantage of thought. So here's to a lavish indulgence of irrelevant thought in the future.

1st the worst, Second the Best, Third the One with the Holliday Gift Suggestion

Wow. I've learned a lot in the last few weeks, and for brevity (which is clearly my strong-suit), I will resort to an itemized format-Top Three Things I've learned this week.

1. Stanford (Men's Basketball) is going to have an entertaining season. Okay, maybe this shouldn't be first, but they JUST lost to a buzzer-beating shot...and it's very, very painful :(.

2. From Cog-Sci (and then a little more from NPR): Our decisions are influenced by a number of non-logical, non-rational factors. Things such as whether we hold a warm or a cold cup of coffee for just a second or two can heavily influence things like whether we judge a person, based on a few sentence description, friendly or non-friendly. There are likely tens of thousands (that's just a made up estimate, but it sounds impressively accurate) of these seemingly bizarre correlations, ingrained by evolution (and quirk effects of evolution), and we are unlikely to discover all of them in my mind. To find out more, including why holding a cup of warm coffee might be correlated with friendship I highly recommend the NPR Radiolab program on decisions: you can find all of Radiolabs programs at http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/ (product placement for NPR baby!) Some people have suggested this strongly challenges the notion of conscious free-will (since there are so many of these correlations that are unknowingly and strongly influencing our decisions). I take a much more moderate approach. For many decisions, I know am not fully and rationally thinking about why I make them--and I think it is quite likely that these 'heuristics' are influencing my decisions in non-rational ways--and I am not overly concerned. I know my choice of cereal is a matter of non-rational, emotional love--it's not conscious free-will, it's destiny! I nonetheless believe, however, that for more significant decisions, while some of these heuristics are nonetheless influential, rationality and consciousness can be the most influential components. At a minimum, our own consciousness of rationality suggests it plays at least a partial role (unless it is a post-fact phenomenon, but I doubt this, but I'll leave that topic out for now). Further, I think by learning some of these heuristics, we can be aware and attenuate their impact (if it is harmful) in our more important decisions.

3. From Constitution Class (section): The official Washington D.C. License Plate has the moniker "taxation without representation." My prediction: this stuff is going to be more popular than tickle-me-elmo was in 2001 this holliday season.


I think that's going to do for tonight. Much more to come tomorrow night

Lab Report

So I've been 'working' for 30 minutes now, and I have the header "Results and Calculations: Part 1." Productive 1/2 hour. I think I need to learn how to study on Friday nights for the next couple of weeks.

Grassroots Philosopher

Hey!

So the first open-slam for Teeth (website) is next Friday, November 13th, which is pretty exciting. I've been working for a while on the first poem I will perform for the slam (if it goes well, I will perform another poem for the final round of the slam).

I think this poem has a lot more imagery than past poem's, so I like it in that sense. I've also been trying to play a little more with word-play, which resulted in a trade-off with a little less syllable structure and rhyme scheme. So those are just stylistic things, but hopefully the main component of any of my spoken words is always the structuring through vocalization of a sort-of-abstract idea I've been mulling over, so I hope you get a good sense of the idea! And with that, I've wasted enough blog space, so I'll paste my poem below. Hopefully after the show, I'll have a video of my performance to post.


Will this one’s for you.
See Will Shakespeare says “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”
And while I didn’t particularly like Romeo and Juliet in school
I promise it’s not for lack of love
When I say I can’t agree with Shakespeare
Because if only all men and women were players
Were actors
But take me for example
Me, I’m not yet an actor
Me, I’m just a wannabe
I’m just a wannabe good in life cuz that alone would suffice
I’m just a grass-roots philosopher
Theorizing on what’s wrong and what’s righter
I guess that’s what makes me a Writer
So I write this as I continue to ponder
Hoping that through thought, I become stronger
Knowing that it’s damn cliché to take life as fodder
When you realize that thought goes much broader
I hereby certify I understand,
But I also stand under
the weight of being a wannabe
Because if you stopped me today, see
And you asked me for what this life is
If you asked me for my two cents
I’d be compelled to ask you to take a mail-in rebate
Because I couldn’t quite provide you with fate
But I wouldn’t leave you empty-handed
I’d tell you sir or ma’am, I’ve been branded
Right where my ventricle conjoins with my amygdala
And if you look close enough, you can see it
I haven’t sold out, so the brand isn’t commercial
No the brand is philosophical
And I wear my philosophy on my sleeves
I just don’ know what to do with my sleeves
So they just hang there with their insignia proclaiming
“I’m just a wannabe,”
And I know as a wannabe
With my two, too-long philosophical sleeves
I make a sight that’s little more
Than a child dressed up in a Self-Righteous costume
Hoping that all the now-closed doors I knock on
Give way to treats, not tricks
Illumination, not confusion
And I know like all wannabe’s
I’m little more than a cacophony of loud uncertainty
But I promise that I’m a unique brand of wannabe
a wannabe good in life
A grass-roots philosopher
Theorizing on what’s wrong and what’s righter
Compelled by my realization that this life is valuable
And I keep an open mind, but that point is non-negotiable
So let me repeat
This life is valuable
See I contend sometimes we’re too preoccupied with studying what’s inherent
With our A,C,T and G’s
the lettered building blocks of DNA
And for good and edifying reasons
But it’s been established
That l-i-f-e is more than the four letters in the word
More than the four letters of DNA
More than what’s endowed from the start
You see reality is far more than a sum of inherencies
And I’m not implying life does not have a sufficient, inherent meaning
Endowed from God or religion, objective and ad perpetuum
I’m just saying if that’s the case
I couldn’t prove it
But I’m not overly concerned
Because if life has no-inherent meaning
Then life at birth is simply a blank refrigerator door, definitely stainless steel, probably modern and chic
but also barren
And it is no more right to add the fridge magnets and pictures and notes
It’s just more beautiful
You see without an inherent, objective meaning
If our refrigerator door does not come
With alphabetic magnets that spell out destiny
It is no more right for me to leave the doors un-lettered
Than to arrange the colored magnets thematically
To spell out love or human rights or happiness
If I am not tasked a task
That leaves me the victim of a beautiful strife
To decide to write or not to write the poem of my life
To be or not to be
And I’ll be straight up I’ve chosen Shakespeare
But just like I can really only scan Shakespeare
Stopping to Glance at the left-hand definitions of old-English words
I can only point to an fMRI scan of my life’s script
and show you right there, right there where the image lights up like a neon site proclaiming “We’re open.” That’s where my life has meaning
and I can tell you with my personal assumptions
I’ve localized the meaning of life to
in the simplest terms-being good.
But like the scientist that can’t explain
the mechanism that produces that thought
lit up in the fMRI scan
I couldn’t tell you how I plan about validating my meaning of life—of being “good.”
And it east me up like there’s a 100 undergrads converging on free food
Until I’m left footing the bill working as a wannabe
A Wannabe good in life
A grass roots philosopher theorizing on what’s wrong and what’s righter
And I know that makes me loud and self-righteous
Unsure and cocky
But I assure you
That's only because I do believe
in Shakespere's Vision
in which all the men and women can be actors
So I’m working and growing
And my manuscript will be written
And then I’ll be able to see through Shakespeare’s eyes
And I’ll be ready to join the Thesbians
Through my actions I too will become an actor
And that’s a reassuring thought
Because they say a picture is worth a thousand words
And I spit cuz I don't that's true
But I do know an act is worth at least a thousand pictures.
So right now I’m just a wannabe
All moralizing sentiments and hand-drawn pictures of righteousness
But one-day I’ll just be an actor.
And, so Will, this one’s for you.

Spoken Word Updates!

So a few updates on how spoken word is going. I'm part of a group on campus called Teeth http://www.teethpoets.com/Members.html (I'll be up there soon!), which is quite exciting. Yale has many, many incredible spoken word poets and it's been a pleasure to watch them perform and learn from them. A couple of spoken word groups also worked together to bring in a very talented professional poet, Shihan, to campus today, and his performance was AMAZING. You can check out one of his poems at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LusRcLdvDgc. I figure I also owe you guys a poem, but I can't quite show you a new one I'm working on, because it's really not ready, but here's a significantly edited version of an earlier poem (well, a significant addition was added). It's called ingratiating for gratitude.

I’ve never been ravished by foreclosure before
And I in no way mean to make light of the plight
But I can’t help imagining the angle between my actions and foreclose runs 180 degrees
Parallel.
Because while my announcement is not white wood with a flap swinging in the breeze
Sharp point planted in the grass, so seemingly mundane
But Bank Name seared into the hanging plane
My signs are no less vivid nor clashing.
I too, am desperate to unload to any reasonable buyer
An artificially low outcome doesn’t seem too dour
I’m constantly putting myself up for auction
I just want to regain somethin’
My foreclosure though wasn’t caused by a contracting economy that’s appalling
A loss of work, or income that that was free-falling
My foreclosure was the result of adding another job
You see Currently
I’m selling out.
Which is funny cuz there’s not even money
But I assure you
I’m selling out
And I’m looking for an out
[…]
Split and sautéed in a sauce that’s pooled
But I still expect my auto ten percent gratuity
Cuz this, this must be a large enough party
And im hoping you like me even more
Cash in another ten percent at the door
But then here’s how the evening was usurped
See, you’re ticked off wish you were in Europe
Where the only things that are tips, are the extremity of an object
And I, I’m wishing I was working on a new project
Because speaking of objects, there’s more than that I’d like to see
See, I’m still just a waiter
But I’ve waited far too long for this obsession to abate
So I don’t mean to hate,
But I strongly dislike
I’d like for it to take a hike
This predilection where I’m constantly estimating if I’m liked
So no, I don’t have a resume or an alternate frame of view
But I assure you, I’m looking for something new.
Because I know if I can shed this current work.
My progressively mortgaged me can be regained
The judge ruling this foreclosure was just insane.

Prof. Earth

What up world. I know you have a ton of students, and I don't really have any specific questions at this moment, but I figured I'd take this time during your informal office hours to formally introduce myself. Hopefully, I'll get to know you a lot better over the next few years, and you can get to know me better too.

Short Spoken Word

(SEM Microscope. Image from: http://rsic.puchd.ac.in/images/image002.jpg).

It's about being short. But it's my longest one yet. What up! (It's longer not as much because I have more to say, but because I want to start making my spoken words a little longer). I'll try to have a video of it being performed on facebook soon, and I'll also soon hopefully make a post about some of my thoughts and experiences since I started college (briefly: I am trying out for two spoken word groups, one tomorrow and one saturday!), but for now just this spoken word.

Five Foot Five

Part 1: Me
To the metric system
Or I suppose it’s just the American
Us and our unilateral action
But to whatever measurements system we use
I stand 5 foot five inches
And that’s short.
Naturally you might be asking
Do I have a Napolen Complex?
So I respond, no.
No, I don’t have a Napolen Complex.
(Although if I did, I probably wouldn’t tell you.
But no I don’t.
In fact my whole life I have and will work tirelessly trying to fail everything to prove I don’t have a Napolen complex.
Just kidding.
So here’s the truth
I don’t have a Napolen complex)
In fact I have a nothingness complex
Not no complex, but nothingness
Cuz you see to myself sometimes I seem microscopic, nanoscopic,
I sell myself short
In exchange for an expanse
Of excuses and pity
But here’s the thing
The rates on excuses and self-pity
Just crashed, and their value is vacuity
As evaluated by the international board on being real.
The new value of the old set equates
To Empty emotional space
perhaps even debt
What I’m trying to say
Is it’s not something I want.
It’s not something I value,
or that has value.
And I know I’m about to make things a lil distended
On The Microeconomics lecture I just attended
But the opportunity cost for standing up full 5’5’’
Is Nill.
Do ya feel?
Other than the activation energy required
To break the self-conscious chains acquired
There is no cost of self-confidence
Only the exothermic enjoyment
Like I was oxygen, and here’s my breath of fresh air.
There is a reason for you to talk to me
like there is a reason for me to talk to you.
To learn, to laugh, to ‘shoot the shit.’
I am five foot five. I am right here.
And This poem, is my homogenous catalyst
This poem, is meant to fill the cyst
Of my fragile willingness to engage.
So in the adapted words of Bon Qui Qui
security..it’s time for this cyst to go.


Part 2: Others
Because here’s the worst part
Of my diffidence
Its like bad vector transformation
It’s one thing to inflict myself
But then I map my own insecurities on you
So 1. You now also need an SEM microscope
Or at least huge ass binoculuars to cope
And have the ability to perceive me
And 2.
I’m embarrassed to say this truly
But your value is adjusted retributively
To the physical appearance of you I see
But I’m tired of making you the judge of me
More so, me the defensive, vapid judge of you.
And it’s time to end this corrupting view.
The cessation only requires proper functioning
Of that inner strength of confidence.




So therefore. Part 3: Conclusion.
I am five’ foot five, readily in sight.
Hello, my name is David, it’s a pleasure to meet you all here tonight

~DKSays

Perspective

Perspective is a fascinating phenomena. Outside of an academic setting (like college :O), outside of the physical sciences there is very little 'fact'-- but there is a lot of room for perspective to maneuver.

I've written in the past on both sides of the spectrum: in middle school I believe I wrote a poem comparing perspective to a very tall mountain, Everest if you will, from which the view is unparalleled, edifying--but at which elevation it is impossible to dwell forever. Your perspective simply can not always dwell at the loftiest levels of insight--sometimes it has to climb down a bit. Just like in a book, conflict is an inherent part of life. Maybe it is genetically ingrained with the purpose of continually having us problem-solve--without problems you can't solve--or maybe it is something else. But conflict is an inevitable and even necessary part of life. And a perspective too high would preclude conflict.



At the same time, there is a very fine line between conflict and drama--between truly concerning conflict and problems begot from a gross descent into non-perspective. Even genuine conflict, wherever that barometer may lie, can certainly be overwhelming, confusing, and distorting at high and/or frequent doses. I've written with vehemence (or attempted vehemence) about my desire to raise my usual level of perspective-to stop dwelling on the petty problems that distract me from the true conflicts that are on the horizon (see way previous post: spoken word script 3).

Tonight I seek to be a true moderate, I do not intend to promote a side or caution against a side. I simply seek to note and appreciate how truly refreshing it is to have those moments when your perspective is deepened. Like a reset button on your problems, those issues that have been torturing you for the recent past just seem to lose their edge or flit away entirely into the realm of insignificance. The only appropriate image I can conjure for how amazing it feels is those old sprite commercials where someone would take a sip and then go "Ahhhh." I've never felt those emotions those actors seem to portray sipping soda, but I certainly feel them sipping on perspective.

Ahhh.

About Me

I'm going to try one of those facebook like notes that help you delineate who you are. But here's the catch: I'm going to put it on my blog instead of facebook. Ohhh yeah, that's right. I think the form is 20 things about me, so here it goes.

1. I have neither a favorite color nor number. I guess I wasn't into favorites in kindgerarten or preschool when I learned about colors and numbers, and I haven't really chosen one since.

2. I'm a yankees fan

3. See above.

4. I own literally (I've counted) five times more merchandise with a Stanford logo than merchandise with a Yale logo.

5. I don't remember the last time music and/or a new day failed to cheer me up.

6. I don't like drama (the genre in literature in film I have nothing against, but I mean the histrionics about relatively trivial subjects). Especially when it's drama I create or get consumed in. Be it about personal relationships or class scheduling or food or political polling. In fact I strive to one day be knighted Sir No Drama David, or Sir No Drama Obama the 2nd.

7. If I ever made the MLB (or really any baseball league that palyed at bat music), my at bat music would be "I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for." I believe I would be the only player to have John Mayer for my at-bat music.

8. Speaking of at bat music, you should see the home run trot I came up with in the hypothetical situation I ever hit a home run.

9. I'm prone to an aggrandization of life and thus an underappreciation of the moments that its comprised of.

10. I find it very hard to think of 20 things about myself.

11. I think karaoke is my latent artistic talent.

12. But don't even get me started on dancing. I'll tear up a dance floor. As long as I don't have to do it for more than 3 minutes. My moves kind of run out after that.

13. I am loathe to use sesquipedalians. NAHHH. JK.

14. I very easily run out of things to say. But I also don't really mind moments of silence.

15. I generally prefer non-fiction, but if I'm reading right before sleeping, I want fiction.

16. I have very bad handwriting.

17. I'm leaving for college in 10 days.

18. I am happiest when thinking about things other than myself.

19. No wonder I'm so sad right now.

20. Just kidding! I'm super happy! Because I just successfully completed this post!

Second

The beginning of the spoken word I haven't been able to finish, but hope to one day.

I'm a wanna be
I'm a wanne be good in life
because that alone would suffice.

First Intention

I know "first impression" gets a lot of attention, but "first impression" has a little-discussed relative that is in many respects much more socially influential: first intention. I think that first intention: when you see someone whether you try and hide and shy away, or come right up to meet them, whether you some-what-awkwardly initiate the conversation or eagerly embrace it, is much more influential than that first impression that you get from someone just by looking at them.

Street Lights Keep on Flickering Out

Street lights keep on flickering out when I am driving near them at night. It's happened twice this week. Hypotheses as to why (in order of likelihood).

1. Ron and/or Dumbledore are following me with their deluminator.
2. A random coincidence.

If I think of any more possibilities, I'll add them on as comments.

~Dk(says)

First (in two months)

So it's been a couple of months now since I've posted, so I thought I'd post some of the thinking that has consumed a lot of my 'excogitation.' Normally, when I post on my blog, I try to express something that might be helpful or interesting or entertaining to others. I'm not sure this post so much follows that pattern, but perhaps you've had a similar challenging thought process (see below for clarification), in which case I'm there with you. Or perhaps you might be interested in what I've been thinking about the last few months! (In which case I can direct you to a couple of great reality TV shows on mtv that readily display much more interesting thoughts/sentiments). But with that caveat that this post has limited utility, here it goes. 

"I questioned everything--not comprehensively, in fact very narrowly, but to the root. 

I questioned everything, except the questioning itself. 

Until I realized, in the continual middle that for this post will serve as the end, inevitably I will need some fundamental assumptions. And I can try and base those assumptions off of observations, call it empirical and fact, but I can never see all, and what I do see, how do I judge that. No, there will always be assumptions. In other words, I am fairly confident it is impossible to empirically derive what this life is." A cliff notes to the life of David Kastelman June 1-July 29, 2009.

July 30, 2009.

I still get paralyzed by the why's, I am still not exactly sure when to stop them. If there is no ultimate, single, derived objective (or if there is one but I can not know what it is), what do I base what I do on? Well, let's start with assumption zero: I am going to live. Biologically, I'm covered.

[...I think in the fashion of Siddhartha and because assumptions are necessarily so individualistic, I'm going to excerpt my thinking here... I get the added benefits of perhaps seeming mysterious and profound and illustrating the manner in which google book annoyingly operates...come on google, buy the works of all the authors (with the exception of J.K. Rolwling who would probably charge too much) by now...] 

dabbling in philosophy is going to drive me insane. At least I've found a crutch of assembled assumptions I'm certainly not sure of but I've thought about. 

FIRST

(FIRST) spoken word. I meant to put a lot of my attempts at spoken word up on this blog (that was a large part of the "word" part of the title of this blog), but I've been a little tardy. BUT NOT ANYMORE! Introducing, my first spoken word to go on this blog. (Wooo!)

So a little bit about spoken word (since this is my first spoken word posted on this blog). So I got into spoken word earlier this year. You can find some really good examples on youtube (I suggest Def Jam and Urban World NYC Teen Poetry Slam). When you've watched a sufficient sample of good spoken word (which I have to admit, I didn't really do before I made my first spoken word) you can glean that a lot of the spoken word is about race relations and urban conditions (although maybe that is just because of the samples I am watching), two issues which I have to admit I don't have all too much first hand insight. And for that reason (and many, many, many other reasons) my spoken word is maybe a little trite and I can't pretend it's good. But I still really enjoy spoken word. Spoken word is a very diverse genre, probably multiple genres, but one defining hallmark is a structure to words, in some ways perhaps it should be called 'structured word.' Whether through a central image, or a structured syllabic pattern, or a rhyme scheme, or through connecting images, the key concept of spoken word is a structured organization. And when trying to express the abstract-ness of thoughts and words, that structure is really helpful, even as you enjoy the expressiveness of the poetic aspects of spoken word. Also, I kind of like spoken word because it is one of the very few artistic things I can even try. 

So about this poem. This was written a couple of weeks ago, when this poem pretty much summarized the entirety of a two-week stretch of thinking, which was a little frustrating, but pretty good fodder for a spoken word. It's not quite as relevant to my life anymore, but since the point of this spoken word was to start a turning point, that's pretty cool. I hope you enjoy. An approximation of the lyrics of the poem are pasted below. Before I paste the lyrics though, I had some trouble posting the video on Blogspot ('blogspot (or David) fail'), so I'm using facebook as my video hosting site. I'm not really sure how facebook links work, so hopefully this is a permanent link that works. Please let me know if the link doesn't work. 

Thanks!

Dksays

Link: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=83863510913&comments

Lyrics:

Currently, I’m selling out

Which is funny

cuz there’s not even money

But I assure you

I’m selling out

And I’m looking for an out

 

Right now,

I’m serving on a sliver platter

Whatever I think you think matters

matters is too noble a word to denote the dish

more appropriately a spoiled fish

More specifically my inner soul

Split and sautéed in a sauce that’s pooled

But I expect my auto ten percent gratuity

Estimating that this is qualifying party

But hoping you like me even more

Cash in another five percent at the door

 

But here’s how the evening was usurped

See, you’re turned off wishing you were in Europe,
Where the only thing that are tips are the extremity of an object

And I’m wishing, I’m wishing I was working on a new project

Cuz Speaking of objects, there’s more than that I’d like to see

 

See I’m still just a waiter

But I’ve waited far too long

For this obsession to abate.

So I don’t mean to hate

 

But I strongly dislike

I’d like for it to take a hike

This predilection where I constantly estimate if im liked

So no, I don’t have a resume or an alternative frame of view

But I assure you I’m looking for something new. 

Selfish

I said, "no more being selfish."

And nothing changed. 

Except my two-week old headache went away. 

Prejudice and Success

If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.
  - George Aiken

Our student email homepage has a 'quote of the day' that has provided a number of interesting, pithy, humorous, sardonic (all right, not really, I just wanted a nominal reason for exercising some of the more impressive parts of my adjectival lexicon) quotations. The quotation that was on the page today, copied above, is especially interesting and to me appears to be wholly true (something that isn't that common for an art-form, quotations are definitely an artform, that emphasizes simplicity and and pithiness over truth). 

What do you think about the validity of Aiken's assessment? I guess the more interesting question in many ways, is if you believe it is true, why? If prejudice is more based on a need to discriminate than the actual forms of discrimination: race, creed, color: why do we have that need? 

In contextualizing the question, in thinking about why I might discriminate, I realized that in a strange way it might be associated with a desire to be successful. Success is often relative: it's not getting a 100 percent on a test it's getting an 85 on a test that had an average of 6 percent (tough test, perhaps it was on k-pop). And we seem to have this pressing desire to succeed, to be special, and so we need a group of people to be 'lower' be it based on race, religion, ethnicity, or test score. This of course isn't the whole reason, ignorance, fear, and other factors play a large role in many current prejudices. But I think the need to discriminate, Aiken's idea that if you removed all current prejudices we would quickly develop new ones, is in many ways based on this idea that we need to be better than others, we need to be successful. Obviously this desire to be successful, ambition, can take more benign forms even as we attempt to be better than others. But perhaps the better option is to redefine success in terms that aren't relative. I don't know, these are some pretty off-the-top-of-my-head ideas, and like most ideas thus categorized, it is probably highly idealistic, a little pretentious, and quite a bit aggrandized. But I kind of like the idea of defining success not by comparison but by internal intuition. 

New Peace

So this was one of my first facebook notes (my functional predecessor to blog spot), and it is one of my favorites and one of the few posts I can look at after an extended period of time (nearly two years) and say that my opinion has changed very little. Let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!

New Peace. That would be sweet. A new Peace movement. In which not only do we stand firm against wars and violence. In which we look at why people say there are wars, and we completely extirpate any possible root causes. So we strive to partner for economic development, and we talk and listen and debate and come to respect and understanding of a Western-Islamic ideological difference that in no way needs to be a source of contention. In which we do everything everyone says is simply idealistic, in which we live it, just to give peace a chance. Giving peace a chance. Because we've written peace off for so long, giving it a chance would be so refreshing. So new peace everyone. New peace.

College

It's official. I'm going to Cal-Tech To play Baseball.

...

Jk. I'm going to (drum roll...)

...

Yale. 

(I had to do something to make this post dramatic), 

Simplicity

I'm on a quest for simplicity. Some of the simple conclusions that took me far too long to realize.

1) Sometimes when you hang out with your friends (loosely defined as pretty much anyone), it's good just to try to have fun.

2) Both arrogance and diffidence are antitheses of confidence (in a Kartik-esque visual representation, confidence would be in the middle, with arrogance and diffidence suffocating confidence on both sides).

3) It's time to stop creating artificial qualifications to hide the fact: I. Am. A. Morning. Person. (that doesn't mean I'm going to wake up at 7:00 on a Saturday. I'm just very happy when I wake up, say at 9:00, on Saturday or 6:30 on a weekday).

4) Laptop screens burn. You think FML is painful, try TML. Too Much Laptop. Ironic writing that out on my laptop...

5) I've never faced any serious problems. A lot of International Issues work does not count as a serious problem.

Declaration of Independence From Bad Social Habits

A Series of Personal, Social Resolutions

Article 1: The too oft-repeated, cuz I'm bad of thinking of things to say category.
1. No more complaining about being tired.
2. No more complaining about work.
3. (perhaps most important) No more yawning when I have nothing to say, to cover up the fact that I have nothing to say (I am sad to say that I really do do this).

Article 2: Attitude (even though I ain't got no attitude) Category
1. Less sarcasm and personal deprecation (explanation: just cuz.)
2. No more constantly estimating what the other person thinks about me or thinks about what I just said about, during the middle of a conversation (explanation: ummm, try it out, it's bad).

To be Continued...(Declarations of Independence take a little while...)

I Have Competition

For my 'Blog' post about funny sounding words.

http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/100_funniest_words.html

This guy is no lexicon-ical n00b.

Anchored

I think it's interesting how people define themselves. From nationalism to ethnicity to socioeconomic status to sense of humor to gender to age to physical characteristics to (infinity and beyond). I think there is a lot more to explore and say about this topic. But tonight I just want to say that as much as I think it can be liberating and enriching to take different perspectives and question how we define ourselves, the ability to assign concrete words to who we are as people seems so reassuring. I would never hope that anyone would be fully able to define themselves with words, but I would also never deny the value of knowing that there was a constant, an immutable, identifiable core to people--a core that words could help illuminate.

Blog

Today, I realized that blog is sort of a strange/funny word to say (if you'd like to look it up... http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blog).

In honor of the word 'blog', I'm coming up with my list of ten all time strangest/funniest sounding words.

1) blandishment
2) shenanigan
3) fuscuos
4) meniscus
5) gauche
6) badinage
7) faux
8) chicanery
9) platitude
10) cochlear



But wait, there's more...

Not content simply to list the words, I decided to come up with sentence using not one, not two, but that's right, ALL TEN words. Here it goes.

Up to my usual shenanigans, I attempted to liven up the mood of the room, weighed down by the fuscous interior decorating, with badinage and blandishments directed towards all cochlear apparatuses; my attempts formed a meniscus of vivacity, stretching but not quite breaking the mood that was further entrenched by my teacher's curt statement: "Your platitudes, faux cheerfulness, and general chicanery are simply gauche and repulsive, dksay(s)."


Yeeaaaaa.

Opposites Attract...Confusedly

I think some of the most powerful and interesting forces in my life are opposites. Like what the best reaction to a situation is, where at times I feel it might be hardest but best to simply accept a situation, but it might be hardest but best to fight and strive to change a situation. Or my pressing desire to have a lasting impact, and yet my fear of doing anything that has a permanent consequence (be it positive or negative, or more likely a difficult-to-read mix). I guess this isn't really a new concept, the idea of the presence and balance of opposites, I think in a very general sense that's kind of the idea behind yin and yang. But perhaps these powerful, opposing forces are one reason why life can be a little confusing...

Gay

Here is what I think about use of the word 'gay,' not to mean homosexual or happy, but to mean some variation of 'bad' as in the phrase 'that was so gay.'

So a lot of people think "sort of using the phrase 'gay' is bad, but so is saying fuck, right? It's kind of synonymous, right? I mean it's not good, but don't be such a prude." But here's the thing, my objection to use of the word gay to mean 'bad' has nothing to do with being a prude.

And I know several people who are gay, so maybe that's what I don't like people using the phrase, right? But here's the thing, that has nothing to do with it. I mean, it might make abuse of the word even more painful, but I would be staunchly against the use of "gay" if I knew no one who was homosexual.

Because, here's the thing. Plain and simple. When you mean to say "that was so wrong," or "that was so boring," or "that was so stupid," or whatever you mean to say, but instead of saying those things, you say "that was so gay," you are plain and simply equating "gay" to "wrong" or "stupid," or essentially "bad." And there is something very wrong with a conscious (at least at one time--and if it has become unconscious, that is really no better) replacing of "bad" with "gay." There is something inherently wrong about again, and again, and again telling someone they are wrong, they are bad, because of their sexual orientation through omnipresent slang. People are due much more respect than that (no matter your opinion on what there might be of a debate on the morality of homosexuality).

That is why I might give into a lot of trends or peer pressure or what not--but I will never use "that is so gay," in place of "that is so bad." Because that would breach a fundamental level of respect and morality. Because that would just be wrong.

*Props go to Mahum, whose blog post helped inspire my own. 

Square Root Day

So two days ago, 3/3/09, I learned is called square root day, and it only happens 9 times in a century (1/1/01, 2/2/04, etc.). It's a pretty radical concept.

Rain Part Two

Apparently, I am supposed to add photos to my blog...

(url for picture: http://www.meanindya.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/raindrop.jpg)

Raindrops

Bounce off the pavement. Flash around me in the puddles like I'm famous. Change the shade of my sweatshirt. Continue to fall from the trees after they stop from the sky.

I don't really have anything else to say, only that I wish I could observe, study, watch new ideas, meaningful ideas, like they were raindrops.

FML Spoken Word

The other day, I was talking/g-mail-chat-communicating with DT, and we were talking about Lupe Fiasco. For those of you that don't know (should be just about everyone), my unofficial Latin nickname/sobriquet is lepdius fiasco (lepidus means charming in latin I think, which makes the name that much more ironic/funny...) and I really feel a lot of Lupe's music, his lyrics and delivery remind me of spoken word poetry. I especially like 0ne of his songs, hurt me soul http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mMYYbVwVLM, which in some ways is a catalogue of societal/life problems. Which got me thinking about fml, a web-site catalogue of humorous if often trivial problems. Which got me thinking that perhaps I could create an effective spoken word by basing it off of the problems expressed in fml (especially because I've been fortuante enough in life not to face too much adversity). And that is why, one day, there will be a spoken word about fml. Oh shoot, my laptop is about to run out of batteries, fml...

Spoken Word Script 3 (from facebook)

Backlash to the cache
of stored up cliches
dissipated days
That relies on the same
All tied to that special myopia
p-e-r-s-p-e-c-t-i-v-e
Or rather lack thereof

Triviality pursuit
I'm rendered mute
By my own indulgence.
Cuz despite the best efforts of the SEC
The monopoly is still conceived to be
my thoughts, words, all seized
enveloped by pettiness that embarrasses me.

Fixated on my height,
perceived slights
My relationship status
(it's not really complicated
in fact it's rather...
simple: single)
I consume my days
In little-varied ways

And I know to cite
perspective
is wearied
But so is to lack it

A level of strife
An acceptance of 'trite'
that's integral to human
But at what level

At what point
Can I no longer
simply shade my eyes
continue with my lies
lies not by falsity
but by vacuity

At what point
Can I no longer
balance internally
wide-spread absences in human rights outside
with petty sadness inside

At what point
Can I say
enough is enough
with all this stuff

At what point
can I restore
a never quite acquired
perspective.

Well here's to hoping
that in this poem
At this time
Where I sit
writing on a laptop
overused
this poem
contains the coordinates
to that point
of artistry
of mastery
of real
perspective.
Peace.

Introduction

Hello! I decided to start a blog (see above/below/everywhere on this page). I think I decided to start a blog because I like to write, and I liked attention (jk, sort of). I'm not sure I will use the blog very often, but who knows? I'm still not entirely sure what I'll put on my blog, but I guess I'll kind of find out as I go along--I think I'll transfer some of the stuff I put on facebook over to my blog. For now though, peace.